We often refer to skills like communication, empathy, and relationship-building as "soft skills." The term implies these abilities come easily or are less important than technical skills like programming or accounting. But this could not be further from the truth. So-called "soft skills" are often the hardest ones to master. Let's stop diminishing these critical capabilities by calling them "soft." Instead, we need to recognize communication, emotional intelligence, and collaboration for the hard work they truly are.
The Complexity of Human Interaction
Interacting with coworkers, relating to clients, and leading teams require ongoing effort and care. Unlike technical skills, there is rarely one "right" approach for navigating human relationships. Each person and situation brings nuance and variability. While you can look up how to code new software, there is no handbook for seamlessly communicating across different perspectives.
Research shows that emotional intelligence, defined as the ability to understand and manage emotions in yourself and relationships, is vital for success in work and life. Studies have found that people higher in emotional intelligence experience greater career advancement, earn higher salaries, and excel in leadership roles (Goleman, 1998; Bradberry & Greaves, 2009). Yet cultivating emotional intelligence to navigate social complexity does not come intuitively for most. It requires years of dedicated practice.
The difficulty of honing relationship abilities is also evident in studies of active listening. Though listening is an essential communication skill, research shows most people are poor listeners. On average, people listen at only 25% efficiency, and studies estimate we spend 55% of interactions either daydreaming or thinking about how we'll respond (Nichols, 1957; Rogers & Roethlisberger, 1952). Clearly, developing skills for presence and focus in conversation requires great effort for most people.
Acknowledging the Hard Work of Communication
The complexity of human dynamics makes skills like active listening, vulnerability, and conflict resolution extremely challenging to cultivate. Yet we discount the difficulty by likening these abilities to something pliable or gentle.
In reality, those with talent for building rapport and finding common ground offer immense value. Organizations and leaders need people who can foster connection, understanding, and shared purpose. When a team communicates openly, products improve, policies progress, and companies thrive. None of the technical brilliance in the world matters without thoughtful implementation across social contexts.
So instead of calling them "soft," we ought to recognize how vital these skills are. And when someone exhibits strength in cultivating trust, resolving differences, or inspiring others, we should acknowledge the years of hard work it takes to develop that level of emotional and social intelligence.
Building Our Communication "Hard Skills"
Next time you catch yourself referring to relationship abilities as "soft skills," pause. Reflect on the dedication and care needed to master techniques like mindful listening and compassionate leadership. Then commit to no longer diminishing the complexity of human dynamics with a term like "soft." Instead, start acknowledging communication, emotional intelligence, and collaboration as the hard, vital skills they truly are.
The people who excel at these capabilities create immense value. And we can all grow our own "hard skills" through practice, guidance, and support. Seek help from resources like professional coaching, books, and seminars. Prioritize strengthening your communication approaches. Know that cultivating your emotional and social intelligence will lead to better outcomes in every area of work and life. The wisdom to connect with others comes not softly or easily, but through hard work and commitment. We all have room to improve our "hard skills."
Strengthen Your Communication Skills
I offer professional coaching designed to help leaders maximize their emotional intelligence, listening abilities, conflict management, and relationship-building. My approach draws on proven techniques to grow your skills for inspiring teams, resolving differences, earning trust, and more. Contact me to learn more about communication coaching tailored to your needs. Together we can make your "hard skills" even stronger.