soft skills

Why We Should Stop Calling Them "Soft Skills" and Start Treating Communication as the Hard Work It Truly Is

We often refer to skills like communication, empathy, and relationship-building as "soft skills." The term implies these abilities come easily or are less important than technical skills like programming or accounting. But this could not be further from the truth. So-called "soft skills" are often the hardest ones to master. Let's stop diminishing these critical capabilities by calling them "soft." Instead, we need to recognize communication, emotional intelligence, and collaboration for the hard work they truly are.

The Complexity of Human Interaction

Interacting with coworkers, relating to clients, and leading teams require ongoing effort and care. Unlike technical skills, there is rarely one "right" approach for navigating human relationships. Each person and situation brings nuance and variability. While you can look up how to code new software, there is no handbook for seamlessly communicating across different perspectives.

Research shows that emotional intelligence, defined as the ability to understand and manage emotions in yourself and relationships, is vital for success in work and life. Studies have found that people higher in emotional intelligence experience greater career advancement, earn higher salaries, and excel in leadership roles (Goleman, 1998; Bradberry & Greaves, 2009). Yet cultivating emotional intelligence to navigate social complexity does not come intuitively for most. It requires years of dedicated practice.

The difficulty of honing relationship abilities is also evident in studies of active listening. Though listening is an essential communication skill, research shows most people are poor listeners. On average, people listen at only 25% efficiency, and studies estimate we spend 55% of interactions either daydreaming or thinking about how we'll respond (Nichols, 1957; Rogers & Roethlisberger, 1952). Clearly, developing skills for presence and focus in conversation requires great effort for most people.

Acknowledging the Hard Work of Communication

The complexity of human dynamics makes skills like active listening, vulnerability, and conflict resolution extremely challenging to cultivate. Yet we discount the difficulty by likening these abilities to something pliable or gentle.

In reality, those with talent for building rapport and finding common ground offer immense value. Organizations and leaders need people who can foster connection, understanding, and shared purpose. When a team communicates openly, products improve, policies progress, and companies thrive. None of the technical brilliance in the world matters without thoughtful implementation across social contexts.

So instead of calling them "soft," we ought to recognize how vital these skills are. And when someone exhibits strength in cultivating trust, resolving differences, or inspiring others, we should acknowledge the years of hard work it takes to develop that level of emotional and social intelligence.

Building Our Communication "Hard Skills"

Next time you catch yourself referring to relationship abilities as "soft skills," pause. Reflect on the dedication and care needed to master techniques like mindful listening and compassionate leadership. Then commit to no longer diminishing the complexity of human dynamics with a term like "soft." Instead, start acknowledging communication, emotional intelligence, and collaboration as the hard, vital skills they truly are.

The people who excel at these capabilities create immense value. And we can all grow our own "hard skills" through practice, guidance, and support. Seek help from resources like professional coaching, books, and seminars. Prioritize strengthening your communication approaches. Know that cultivating your emotional and social intelligence will lead to better outcomes in every area of work and life. The wisdom to connect with others comes not softly or easily, but through hard work and commitment. We all have room to improve our "hard skills."

Strengthen Your Communication Skills

I offer professional coaching designed to help leaders maximize their emotional intelligence, listening abilities, conflict management, and relationship-building. My approach draws on proven techniques to grow your skills for inspiring teams, resolving differences, earning trust, and more. Contact me to learn more about communication coaching tailored to your needs. Together we can make your "hard skills" even stronger.

The Surprising Power of Empathy in Leadership

Empathy is often seen as a "soft skill" in business. But the truth is, it's one of the most powerful tools a leader can have. Here's why.

Leaders who demonstrate empathy are able to truly understand what their team members are experiencing. They take the time to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and seek to comprehend each person's unique perspective.

This leads to stronger connections and improved communication. Team members feel valued and understood, which increases engagement, motivation, and satisfaction. Who wouldn't want to give their best effort when working for a leader who genuinely cares?

Empathetic leaders also make more informed decisions. By considering different viewpoints and emotions, they gain a more complete picture. This nuanced approach results in solutions that work better for the entire team.

Take a moment to imagine working for a leader who responds to challenges with patience and reassurance. One who stays calm under pressure and diffuses conflict with compassion. Doesn't this inspire you to rise to the occasion?

The most effective leaders demonstrate emotional intelligence every day. They are self-aware and manage their own feelings skillfully. This self-control allows them to focus on understanding others, not just reacting.

Here's an interesting fact: research shows that empathy can actually be strengthened with practice. It's not necessarily something you're born with.

Try setting aside time each day to listen deeply to teammates. Notice their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Make an effort to see situations from their perspective. You may be surprised by how much more insight you gain.

If you aspire to become a leader who brings out the best in your team, prioritize empathy. Not only will you help others thrive, you'll build trust and accomplish shared goals faster. And who knows? You might end up changing your organization's culture for the better.

The most successful leaders know that true power lies in people. If you focus on understanding and supporting your team, there's no limit to what you can achieve together.

If you're interested in growing your emotional intelligence and leadership abilities, I offer coaching for executives and aspiring leaders. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you'd like to discuss how I can help. Wishing you all the best on your journey ahead!