Respect Does Not Mean Treating People Like Authority Figures
There is a quote that eloquently captures an important distinction when it comes to respect:
"Sometimes people use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like a person' and sometimes they use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like an authority.' And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say 'if you won't respect me I won't respect you' and they mean 'if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person.' They think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay."
This quote deeply resonates with me as a coach who works with leaders and executives. I have seen many leaders who feel they inherently deserve respect simply because of their position or authority. They believe that respect means treating them like an unquestionable authority figure and following their directives without hesitation.
However, true respect first and foremost means treating people like human beings. It means showing care, empathy and consideration for their wellbeing. As a leader, you earn genuine respect by exhibiting integrity, listening intently to others, valuing diverse perspectives, and cultivating an environment of psychological safety where people feel comfortable expressing themselves.
Unfortunately, some leaders have an overly authoritative mindset where they view employees merely as resources to control rather than complex humans to engage. These leaders care more about preserving their status and power than uplifting others. When their authority is challenged or questioned in any way, they retaliate by pulling the "respect" card.
In essence, these leaders knowingly or unknowingly stop respecting individuals who don't defer to their authority. They may ostracize, undermine, or even ultimately fire people who stand up to them. This authoritarian approach is entirely unfair and counterproductive. It breeds fear, stifles innovation, and leads to disengaged, demotivated teams who follow directives out of compliance rather than commitment.
Adopting a "Respect for People" Mindset
The most successful leaders I've worked with take a completely different "respect for people" approach. They:
Seek to deeply understand before being understood
Encourage candid feedback and diverse opinions without retaliation
Admit when they're wrong and sincerely apologize for mistakes
Empower others through coaching and mentorship
Show humility rather than expecting deference from others
Value growth, learning and excellence over status and power
Lead with compassion, elevating others over self
This "respect for people" mindset is essential for building a culture of trust, engagement and high performance. If you want your team to bring their best selves to work each day, you must reconsider what respect really means in your own leadership style.Here are some tangible steps you can take:
Listen without judgment: Give your full attention when others speak up. Don't interrupt or let your mind wander. Reflect back what you heard without inserting your own biases.
Adopt a growth mindset: Believe that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort. Praise the process, not just the outcomes.
Encourage challenges: Invite alternative perspectives. Don't just surround yourself with "yes" people. Ask "What am I missing?"
Appreciate unique skills: Recognize that each person brings value through their distinct talents, backgrounds, and experiences.
Give up control: Enable others to take ownership of projects and decisions. Guide the mission, but let your team determine how to get there.
Admit imperfections: Be vulnerable and authentic about your limitations. Your humanity will empower others.
The Bottom Line
If you want to earn genuine respect as a leader, let go of commanding authority and focus on elevating others. Lead with compassion, not control. Value each person as a complex human, not just a role. By adopting this "respect for people" mindset, you will build trust, engagement and excellence.
If you recognize areas where you need to grow in showing true respect as a leader, don't hesitate to seek help. Consider working with an executive coach who can provide an outside perspective and tailored guidance. I'd be happy to have a free introductory consultation to discuss your leadership goals. Please reach out if you would like to learn more about how I can help you develop your strengths while letting go of unproductive authority mindsets. The first step is acknowledging the need for change, and you have the power to become a more respected, inspiring leader.