When's the last time you really actively listened to a recording of your own voice, communication style and behaviors? If you’re like most people, it may have been a while, if ever.
Many of us instinctively cringe at the idea of hearing recordings of our own interactions at meetings, public speaking, client calls, and so on. The sound of our own voice often makes us painfully self-conscious, bringing out our inner critic. But if we can learn to listen to ourselves with openness, empathy and the intent to learn, reviewing recordings can massively expand self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
Our Natural Discomfort with the Sound of Our Own Voice
Most of us experience immediate discomfort when initially hearing audio or video of our own voice played back during recordings of interactions. We tend to pick up on every pause, diction imperfection, awkward phrase, and nervous tic. We judge ourselves far more harshly than we typically judge others.
This ingrained discomfort and self-criticism often causes many leaders to avoid listening to recordings of themselves altogether after an initial unpleasant experience, robbing them of invaluable opportunities for growth.
The key mindset shift is to learn to listen to yourself with the same self-compassion you would extend to a peer, direct report or friend, not the amplified self-judgement your inner critic projects. This takes mindfulness but allows you to extract lessons.
The Wealth of Insights Recordings Can Provide When Reviewed With Balance
If analyzed objectively, recordings of your communication and leadership presence provide unique insights you cannot easily gain elsewhere:
You may pick up on subtle but important unintended tones that wrongly imply emotions, indifference or judgement you aren't actually feeling internally. These inadvertent slip ups can undermine trust.
You can spot unproductive patterns such as frequently interrupting people, not letting others fully finish thoughts before interjecting, failing to ask real open-ended questions, etc.
You can assess effectiveness and impact of different aspects of your communication style based on how others in the recording react and respond in real-time.
You can analyze whether you tend to over-explain concepts or points repeatedly. Self-listening surfaces blind spots.
You can determine from air time whether you share the conversational space appropriately or dominate discussions. Silences speak volumes.
Without listening to yourself, it remains almost impossible to accurately gauge the holistic impact of your presence, words and behaviors on others. Listening courageously lets you be your own mirror for growth.
NOTE: Before recording anything make sure you know the law about recording for where you live. Remember these recordings are for private use only.
Healthy Ways Leaders Can Build Self-Listening to Boost Self-Awareness
Here are some best practices and tactics to guide productive self-listening for maximizing learning:
Occasionally record short snippets of 1-on-1 meetings, virtual team meetings, webinars or conference presentations. But notify participants politely in advance and ask their permission.
Analyze patterns and themes vs. over-criticizing one-off mistakes when reviewing. Look for trends and consistency. Remember that everyone mispeaks.
Balance taking notes on both effective areas of strength as well as opportunities for improvement. Strive for a constructive ratio.
Remind yourself frequently to focus commentary on specific fact-based behaviors you can change, not imagined traits about who you are as a person. Avoid faulty self-assessments.
Note 1-2 concrete things you would recommend to someone else if you were coaching them to address similar patterns witnessed in the recording. This objectivity fuels progress.
With consistency and the right constructive mindset, regularly scheduling time to listen to yourself fuels dramatic positive growth by increasing self-awareness and emotional intelligence. All leaders have room for improvement when it comes to mastering high-impact communication. Be your own trusted mentor.
An Outside Listening Ear: Coaching for Communication Excellence
Need a neutral, experienced executive coach to lend an objective outside ear to share candid observations on your communication style and leadership presence based on recordings? I’m happy to listen collaboratively and provide entirely constructive feedback tailored to your growth goals.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you would like to discuss how we could potentially partner. You keep expanding as a leader when you stay curious about yourself and keep dedicating time to active self-improvement. Personal growth never stops when we commit to lifelong learning. My door is always open.