It is a fundamental human instinct to believe that we are good, ethical, and fair. However, the harsh reality is that we are susceptible to cognitive dissonance, allowing our self-image to remain unblemished while we unknowingly or even knowingly engage in harmful behaviors. This discrepancy can lead to manipulation, bullying, and other harmful behaviors that cause significant damage to ourselves and those around us.
So how do we confront this dissonance? How do we determine if we are guilty of such behavior, and how do we change for the better? The first step is to accept that we are fallible - that we can and do make mistakes. The next step is to examine our behaviors critically, honestly, and bravely. It's time for us to wake up, open our minds, and commit to positive change.
Identifying Negative Behaviors
Before we can change, we must first recognize our problematic behaviors. Negative behaviors such as manipulation, bullying, gaslighting (making someone doubt their reality), and dismissiveness can be subtle and ingrained in our everyday interactions. We may rationalize these actions as necessary for our success or survival, but the truth is they harm ourselves and those around us.
Reflect on your interactions. Are you respectful and considerate? Do you listen actively and value diverse opinions, or do you disregard views that challenge your own? Are your criticisms constructive, or do they belittle and undermine others? This self-examination requires honesty and courage, but it is an essential step towards positive change.
Understanding the Impact
These harmful behaviors not only affect those on the receiving end but also have a significant impact on us. They can lead to a toxic work or home environment, resulting in increased stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. They erode our relationships, breeding resentment and mistrust, and can impact our reputation, limiting our personal and professional growth.
Furthermore, by engaging in these behaviors, we contribute to a culture that tolerates and perpetuates them. We become part of a cycle of negativity and harm, influencing others to adopt similar behaviors and alienating those who seek a more positive, inclusive environment.
Changing for the Better
Change is possible, but it requires commitment and effort. Here are some steps to guide you:
Acknowledge Your Mistakes: Acceptance is the first step towards change. Acknowledge that your actions have caused harm. It may be uncomfortable, but it's necessary for growth.
Apologize Sincerely: Apologies can mend bridges and demonstrate your commitment to change. A genuine apology accepts responsibility, shows understanding of the harm caused, and promises change.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the effects of bullying, manipulation, and gaslighting. Understand why these behaviors are harmful and how they impact others.
Seek Feedback: Regularly seek feedback from colleagues, friends, and family. They can provide valuable insights into how your behavior impacts others and suggest areas for improvement.
Practice Empathy: Empathy encourages understanding and compassion. Make a conscious effort to understand others' perspectives and feelings.
Set Positive Goals: Instead of just trying to "stop" negative behaviors, focus on what you want to "start" doing instead. For example, aim to be more respectful in your conversations or more supportive of others' ideas.
Changing ingrained behaviors can be a challenging journey, but it's one worth taking. By breaking free from manipulation, bullying, and other negative behaviors, we can improve our relationships, promote a more positive environment, and become better versions of ourselves.
Remember, it's not just about avoiding being a "shitty person." It's about striving to be a better person. It's about nurturing a positive, inclusive atmosphere where everyone feels heard, respected, and valued. By doing so, we contribute to our own personal growth and the betterment of our communities.
Our actions, big or small, contribute to the collective environment, and each of us has a role to play. If we all commit to treating others with respect and kindness, we can create a ripple effect that could transform our society for the better.
Commit to Lifelong Learning
The journey to becoming more inclusive and respectful is continuous. As society evolves, so does our understanding of what it means to be inclusive. We should continually educate ourselves, keeping abreast with the latest research, trends, and best practices related to diversity and inclusion. This can be done through reading books, attending webinars, workshops, or even listening to podcasts.
Support from Professional Coaching
If you find the process challenging, consider seeking support from professional coaches or therapists. They can provide valuable insights, strategies, and tools to help you navigate your journey towards positive change. Coaching is not just for 'problem' individuals; it is a powerful resource that supports growth and development.
Recognizing and changing our negative behaviors is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength and our commitment to personal growth. It might be a challenging journey fraught with uncomfortable revelations, but it's one that leads to a more fulfilling, respectful, and inclusive life. As we continue to learn and grow, let us not forget to extend our newfound understanding to others, cultivating a culture of respect and empathy.
Change starts with us, one person at a time. Let's take the first step and continue to stride forward, always striving for better.